First job next week...get back into a good sleeping pattern. Everytime I come back to Cheddar, my sleep pattern goes bizzare (Bizarre? I have no idea!)

So in my last entry, I talked a lot about the more negative ends of 2011 with my depression, but also being very thankful on how God is bringing me to a better place (if you haven't read it, do give it a read. I hope you will be encouraged and perhaps learn more about depression should you feel uneducated in the subject)

But here are the highlights of 2011...

1. So this year, I've been doing a lot of music stuff. I released an EP. I played 3 of my top gigs of all time (My launch gig in July, supporting John Prockter in Taunton and Seaton in August) and have more dates booked for 2012.

I may have told this story before, but ahh well, I love it! In the Prockter gig, I was packing up my car. I had noticed numerous people had taken away free CDs (lush) and a lady approached me, saying thank you. As always I replied "You're welcome" and she said "No, thank you. My non Christian friend was moved by your last song and wants to come to church to find out more about God" Wow. Encouragement? God's plan is huge and although I have no idea on how he is working, he is. He used me. Priviliged? Yes!

2. I was running my "Deeper" youth club and we were doing a session on discipleship. David Shadbolt, a guy hugely into prophecy taught us an exercise I thought we could use on hearing God speak to us. Basically, half your group have their backs against the walls, eyes closed. They have one person in front of them, but don't knwo who it is. They listen to God to give him a word, message, picture, something. One lad (let's call him Rodney) prayed for another lad (let's call him Freddie) and Rodney said "I feel like you are running away" and I thought...well that's not very encouraging. Freddie came to talk to me afterwards about how much this word spoke to him and brought out some stuff going on in his life. Wow! Amazing!

3. Again, with Deeper. My good friend Leah "The Deacon" Bruce called me up maybe...I think in May. She says, "I'd love to do a joint weekend away with you. We come to you, then you come to us!" My word, what a genious. So after a few months of planning, at 9pm on Friday 30th September, a bunch of northers (In comparison to Devon!!) appear at one of my churches. We spend a weekend having lots of fun, eating lots of cake, and talking about God.

We decided to do a talk about sex and relationships...only Leah would talk with the lads and I would chat with the girls. I decided to open up about a few past experiences of heart break and God's view on sex. It seemed to really hit home with them.

I guess seeing God working with those two youth groups and getting to work with a good friend (we did do some work, honest!!) is such a blessing for me. Best part? We'll do it again at the end of next month. Glory? I think so.

4. (I think my last one) I guess just being able to get close to some friends. I find at this age, you know by now who your good friends are. Me and my pal Jamie McSeveney went to see UFC 138 in Birmingham. What a lad! What a night! I'm not a huge sports guy but being into UFC, that was such an experience! Doing music with great people (Big ups to Irve Griffiths, DJ Tribbsy, Emily Hurlock, George McBurnie, Leah again) house group (Sam, Jenna, Bekah, Tribbsy, Sarah, Tom) and my boys who I got to see a few times this year from Cheddar (Rossiter and Pettler) and my flatmates (Tim and Tom)

Even when times are hard, God gives me some amazing people in my life!

Dan

Hmmm...

Okay so I haven't really been doing an awful lot of blogging. To be honest, there hasn't been a lot I really want to talk about in the public eye. It's easy to come across as holy and righteous when blogging (I would say I can be a victim of that!) but I've not felt very holy and righteous this year.

Normally, when people do these end of year blogs, they talk about what an amazing year they have had. Although I've had a lot of personal highlights, this year has been one of the most difficult years for my life. I'll explain.

Back in June, I was diognosed with depression. For those who know my story, I had depression when I was 13/14. So it's sadly nothing new. And if I'm truthful, it's something I've wondered if I've had for a while. But I decided to finally see a doctor (with a push from a friend) and go for it. How the heck do you respond to news like this? Celebrate with cake? Mourn? Well...cake was involved, but definetly not in the form of celebrating.

I guess it leaves you with the questions, why the heck do I have to go through this? I think I asked God this question numerous times. I mean, for goodness sake...I've had it once, why again?

A few things came out of this, which I believe are good. I'm not saying I enjoy the depression, because it is horrible. And you don't understand it unless you've had it (And if you tell me everything's going to be okay...I may throw something at you :-P) but I believe a few things have changed in my life since then.

I believe it has made me a more pastoral personal (When I say more, the being sensitive stuff isn't something I am very good at, but I am learning more and more) and just being there for people. A few of my friends also were diagnosed with it this year, and God's really used me to input in their lives. See, you can't try and give advice about how they should feel. With depression, you feel a certain way a lot of the time with no particular reason. For me, I just hated and doubted everything about myself. I would say "I'm rubbish!" or "Why am I here?" or "I'm not good enough to do this. I'm pathetic" and although there are still struggles, God helps me to handle this and to know I am loved and chosen by him (Do you hear it friends...glory!)

It has also helped me grow up and become more who God wants me to be. Adulthood has been a challenge for me and I was telling a friend recently "I can't believe I rent accomidation, have a full time job, pay bills...dude...I have a car!! Word!" and recently (because I am financially in a place where I can do this) I opened a savings account. I'm learning to dream big and I believe God wants me to learn sound engineering and build a recording studio.

I couldn't tell you if I am over it (because when you've had it, do you really fully get away from it? I can't answer that...) but God has brought me into a much better place, where I am much happier and have something to say to the public. My good friend Jess Harrison told me last week how much better I seem to be doing. And it was good to hear out loud, because I felt it.

Here's my point in all my rambling: I have been fighting, but wanting to give up for a long time now (Who knows how long? My friend wanted to tell me I was depressed for over a year!) and I feel I can stand up properly for the first time in a long time. My life isn't perfect, but God is opening my heart, helping me dream and knowing life is worth living for him! If you ever feel down, or think you may have depression, God will help you through it. Stay close to the people around you, not just so they can tell you what they think, but to pray for you, listen to you and to love you. That's how I'm getting through.

I hope this encourages you. I'll see you in July when I update my blog again (I now do a monthly newsletter. Email me at dandesmond@hotmail.com to be added to it)

Peace and love,

Dan